The Deep

The Dark
The Deep
The Cold

Sink down, far far below
Where the light is too frightened to show
Where time itself is lost and stands still
Here I stay, I think, I build

Cities of unimagined splendour
Walls high and mighty, ready to defend, or
Boulevards kept clean, swept clean
Polished so every stone has a shine a gleam

Silent libraries, filled with books beyond count
Scrolls and tomes for every subject in huge amount
Carefully placed tables, hidden yet well lit
With rooms to wave arms and shout for a bit

Such things never last in the Deep
No matter how hard I try to keep
They fall and fade as all things do
Only the Cold and the Dark remain true

Throw it Away

I tried to tell her how I really feel
But the words shrivelled in a mouth gone dry
I wanted to see her and try again
But I haven't left my room all day

I saw her again on Tuesday night
Shouted her name across the street
She didn't hear me, didn't blink an eye
I stared at my feet

Write it all down
Then throw it away
No one really cares
Write it all down
Burn it up
Breathe the smokey air

I wrote her a letter, four pages long
Then tore it up in disgust
She wouldn't want to hear from me
Not 'till the world is dust

Write it all down
Then throw it away
No one really cares
Write it all down
Burn it up
Breathe the smokey air

She Cries

She cries
Tears run silently down her face
Leaving clean paths amongst the soot and grime
There are no sobs
No cries of rage or grief
Those have long passed now

There is no time to mourn
Another lost to the endless war
That rages without thought
Of those left behind
Of those whose lives are used
Discarded
like the meaningless pieces they are

He gathers sticks
Finding dry wood in the forest
Gathering what spindle-thin arms can carry
Even at a young age
He does what he can
During rare moments
Plays with sticks as swords
Seeing a soldier's life as escape
From this dreary life

She cries still

It Could

Leave the final words unsaid
I do not want to hear them
Instead, let the seed of hope sit
Under blanket of snow
On soil infertile and poor
It will never rise again
But it could

Do not say farewell when you leave
I do not want to hear it
Instead, leave in silence
That I may look up and notice you not
Where you were but moments ago
And wonder, when will you return
You never will
But you could

A Silver Glow

The sea stands still
Not a wave
Not a ripple
Nothing marrs the smooth surface

Paleface shines
Perfect reflection
Rays of light seeking and joining
Bathing the world with cool radiance

Reach out if you dare
Capture Paleface's water
Blessed it is
If stillness you can keep

But reach too fast
And you shall lose your chance
Yet too cautious
And you will never obtain the glow

On this night
When Paleface is doubled
Magic can be gained
If you dare

Demon's Spore

I lay down my head to sleep
And my Lady covers me
With soft feathered cloak
Wraps me in wings of deepest black
Takes me far away
To a land of peace

There are times though
When my Lady is absent
For reasons unknown to me
Those days I fear
For when she is not with me
Protecting me
Demons enter my mind

They watch and wait, these demons mine
Diving deep and far
Into farthest reaches
Until they find
Pain
Terror
Hurt

These demons then do shape
With taloned hands so gentle
A crafting each
Preparing with care
To unleash in my sleeping mind
Serving a purpose no one knows
But the demon itself
Who sits and waits
Ready to reap what it has sown

My Lady will come
Even when demon's spore
Bursts into fruit
She will come
Wrap me in her cloak once more
And I shall be at peace

The Rock Stands

Waves crash and roll
Foam and salt fill the air
The land changes, slowly but true
Sand moves, returns, is lost again
Grass struggles to hold
Yet is always defeated
The rock stands

The wind blows strong and dry
To be unsheltered is to die
The sun bears down
Ground cracked and dry
Worn hills fade in the haze
The rock stands

A chill bite in the air
The last of snow melts and flows away
Smooth now, the ground flows
Torn by ice, cleared once again
Streams flow this way and that
Merging to form rivers
Flowing to the distant sea
The rock stands

Little remains
Baked clay and shards of obsidian lie scattered
Broken memories of a time that was
No wind stirs the dank air
Craters show on the plain
Yet no water fills their depths
In the silence of a forgotten place
A discarded place
The rock stands

Paleface

Paleface looks down from high above
Watching over her people
Gently lighting the way forward
Her silver glow cool and regal

I look up at Paleface
And she smiles down at me
A cooling fire fills me
And I am free

I follow the path that Paleface shows
Walking with lightness of step
I know she will not lead me astray
So I stride where once I crept

Paleface watches me as I walk
Looking down from far away
Content that I have started my journey
No longer will I stay

A Simple Touch

A simple touch can heal
What magic lies in the hand
When gently strokes you feel
That warmth and healing glow

No mighty words are needed
No spells or totems rare
But a touch softly repeated
And all troubles are no more

'Tis not something to be explained
But what comes from deep inside
There is no need to be trained
A loving hand will guide

The simplest touch will heal
Many woes and problems
Each strokes serves to heal
Another crack in the heart

Listen

Listen to the chime
Find the moment
Between sound
And silence

In that moment dive deep
Sink into the depths
Pure and clear
Last resonance caught in silver shimmer
Of glowing light

Deeper
Sink ever deeper
Until all is stillness in motion
A silence filled with sound
The brightest light formed in darkness

Find peace
In an eternal moment
As you listen to the end
Forever shining
In that moment
Listen

Love

Lift your eyes to the stars and see
All of creation awaits
It is there for you and me
Love is truth is beauty is eternal

Open your ears to the pounding heart of the Earth
As she moves with lumbering grace
Bringing together a thousand voices of mirth
Love is truth is beauty is eternal

Open your hands and feel the rich soil
Replete with care and warmth and life
Shaped and grown through countless years of toil
Love is truth is beauty is eternal

Lift your heart and feel the soul
Not of one but of the many
Hear the message that is told
Love is truth is beauty is eternal

Dust

All things turn to dust

Time passes

Unrelenting force

Nothing remains

Hope an illusion

No better path to find

No bright shining future

Only death

Only despair

Struggle not my friend

For your struggle too

Shall fade under the onslaught

Meaningless actions

Of forgotten people

Fading to dust

In the end nothing remains

No life

No hope

No pain

The Heart

The heart bears every wound
Each bleeds still
Torn and weary it beats on
Drops of blood form
Fall
Replaced over and over
As life continues

Every hurt is remembered
Locked in a gilded cage
Kept pristine and pure
To experience again
And again
Each time drawing fresh blood
Recreating the wound
And drops of blood fall

But with shining light
Each moment of love stands true
Casting out the darkness
The heart can never be healed
But the light of love
Brings warmth and peace
Drops of blood fall
Shatter and spill in frozen moments
Reflecting light

Oblivion

I lie curled on the floor
Not in bed
Sleeping
The reason was clear
It is
Gone
An empty place remains
Where once reason stood

I close my ears
Seeking silence
Instead I find the constant noise
Too stable to be ocean
Too constant to be soothing
Filling the emptiness

I close my eyes
Seeking darkness
Instead I see
The knife gently kisses skin
Soft glow of blood rising up
Falling
Each drop shaped as a tear

I push aside the noise
The visions
Hoping for oblivion
That never arrives

Home

We may not live to see another dawn
So dance with me this night
As missiles fly far overhead
Dance under the smokey light

Dance with me to sweet music
Of shrieks and howls and noise
To us the sounds of a world we know
A world of madness given voice

But this moment
When I am with you
All I hear is your beating heart
Beating a tango for two

So take my hand this night
And we shall dance in a world of our own
Staring into your eyes
I know I am finally home

Journey of the Stars

Paleface has gone
The stars stand in glorious beauty
Alone
Their Goddess, their companion
Gone
Never to return

Watch them shine
But do not close your eyes
For each time you do
Another star darkens
Is gone

Not an end in fire and fury
Not a slow decline in cold
But a journey afresh
For each star
Seeking

They move, the stars
Shaken from their sleep
Filled with purpose pure
A new companion to find

They journey far
Across the firmament
Through the vast void
The empty night

The stars move, until
They find a home
A place of joy and light
Welcomed in galaxies far
They dance
Shining and twirling
Loving and living
Alone no more

What Then For The Stars

If Paleface dies
What then for the stars
Who shine each night
In silent admiration
Watching over her people
When she rests each dayh

If Paleface falls
Would the stars fall with her
One by one burning bright
Giving all in a burst of heat
Then fading to nothing

When Paleface flees
What is left for the stars
To stand worship still?
Or to follow?
Knowing not where they go
Ending their time
In the hope of finding Paleface again

Hide from the Whiteface

Hide from the Whiteface
Terrifying power shining through
Breaking the night at dawn
Shattering the secret places
Dissolving all shadows
Enlightening the dark

Hide from the Whiteface
Dig deep into the ground
Find the hidden tunnels and caves
Quiet and safe
Cool and calm

Hide from the Whiteface
Nasty evil beast
That wants to hurt us and tear us apart
Shining down with its fire

Hide from the Whiteface
Don't let it see your eyes
For with burning hatred it finds you

Hide from the Whiteface
Stay safe and stay on guard

Hide from the Whiteface

See

See!
Look there, can you not see?
Open your eyes
Be not afraid
You must never be afraid to see the light

How it glows!
How it shines! and yet
A flicker
A moment of darkness

Turn not your head!
Watch and hope
The light will never fade
While we stand watch
While we let it shine

Yet fear not the darkness!
When you are lost
When hope is abandoned and despair takes root
Remember the light
Open your eyes
And you will see

Sister Light

Darkness rests her weary head
And turns to Sister Light
"See what I have wrought here
In shadows, shapes in the night"

Sister Light looks around
And says "But Darkness dear
There are none who can see
Without light to make it clear."

Saying this she raises her face
And light shines all around
Casting illumination on every stone
Leeching the darkness from the ground

Darkness lets her head droop low
And speaks in a voice deep and mellow
"Sister mine, what you have done
Such harsh light, the ground now fallow"

"There is no art here any more."
With those words she stands and leaves

A Perfect Moment

Close your eyes
Feel the gentle kiss of the sun's rays
As they caress your skin

Followed by the gentle touch
Of my calloused hand
Reaching out to your cheek

Please
Let me trace your skin
As does the light

Smooth to the touch
Fair and shining
Under hesitant fingers

Down towards
The hollow of your neck
My fingers travel

Followed by my gaze
Having spent an eternity
Staring into your eyes

Finally I break free
And let my eyes
Gently touch you

Filled now with heat
From staring into your soul
And finding fire

Such passion and flame
Scorch the unwary
Or those who linger too long

Yet to stay
To abandon all sense of self
And lose myself inside you

Such a fate would be welcome
Such a fire
Would be blessed

With delicate touch
I brush fingers across your shoulder
Tracing the curves of skin

Your gentle smile encourages
My exploration
Fears slowly subside

I find myself lost
In your gaze
Once more

Yet
I have found
A perfect moment

The Hunt

The black dog hunts
Hackles rise as he stalks his prey
Eyes gleam red
As if lit by fires eternally burning
Teeth gleam white
As lips draw back in silent snarl

Each foot rests lightly on stone
Leaving scorched marks as he passes
Delicate steps leave no sound
Only a faint hint of smoke

Muscles shift and turn
Beneath sleep fur and tight skin
They show strength enough to tear and rend
Bring down the largest beast
Or the most nimble

Tonight the prey is not large
Not nimble
Limping, it scurries across a stream
Fleeing without hope
Without reason
Only a remnant of spirit drives it onwards

The black dog tenses
Springs
Brings down his prey in a violent explosion of motion
Knowing the inevitable his prey relaxes
Finds a moment of peace
Before a loud crack breaks the night into a thousand shimmering pieces

The black dog stalks back to his den
Confidently moving through the night
Knowing his rule stands unchallenged

My Lady Pt 2

I have never seen my Lady
Though her presence is felt every night
As she cloaks the world in soft dark wings
A solace, not a fright

I have only ever felt her
When walking all alone
Then her warm cloak spreads across me
I know I am home

Through the deepest night I walk
Knowing that she is above me
Watching carefully my every step
There, even though I never see

My Lady is kind
Spreading her wings wide
Bringing darkness and peace to me

My Lady

I feel her again
My Lady
My darkness
Cloaking the world once more
As I walk

The city streets are dirty tonight
Dust kicked up with every step slowly settles
Coating my shoes with a thin layer of filth
Another layer
Adding to the veneer of civilisation

It can't be seen at night
Hiding away in the darkness
Only glimpsed with a flash of light
Before fading away again
A memory

Memories such as these are not pleasant
They haunt the night and day
Every time you close your eyes
Thinking it is safe
A memory creeps into view
Silently waiting

Yet the darkness comes
And covers all in her feathery cloak
Closing eyes becomes easy
As there is nothing to see
Nothing to fear
She protects me
Walks with me
My Lady

Let me

Never give up
A wise man once said
Never ever give up
But what if all your hopes and dreams lie dead?
When all around is darkness and despair
when the world is gray and dark
When it becomes just too hard to care
What then do you do?

Giving up is no longer a choice
It is simply what you must do
for in the bottom of the well
There's nothing left for you
But to let it go one last time
Surely that is the solution
Giving up now can be no crime
When nothing else is left

I will not give up on you
In this world or the next
I will be there by your side
No matter how hard it gets
I don't give up on my people
I don't care if it's dark or dim
You just need to keep hold
And know that I'll be there

Separated we might be in time and place
But together we can stand
Triumph does not matter
Just let me hold your hand

Girl and Horse

I saw them riding one day
When the sun stood high
I stopped and quietly stared
For they both had caught my eye

A girl and her horse
Moving with one mind
As the ground flew beneath hooves
A finer sight I could not find

Such freedom to fly
In air as much as ground
Such joy and wonder I felt
From all around

The sun shone down
Blessing all with golden glow
The air fresh and bright
As hair and mane did flow

I stood and stared
For a perfect moment
Lost in the ride
Both in their element

Too quickly the moment passed
As they rode out of sight
But I knew it would last
As I walked until night

Such a bond
Between two creations of beauty
Would last forever
In truth and purity

Choices

We cannot choose
What we cannot see
Whether through love or hate
Or despair leaving us in such a state
That our vision darkens and flees
Or paths wither and fade

From endless possibilities
Opening in every direction
A mask is lowered
Our senses dulled
Hard to make any connection
From present to future

The past remains clear
Every mistake burning with heat
Every wrong path taken
Feeling ever more forsaken
Each a club with which to beat
Senseless hatred of self

When at the bottom of the abyss
No light or joy to be seen
And every path utterly dim
Trying to compete against the din
Of a thousand shouts and screams
Feels pointless and insane

There are no choices to be made
No options to pursue
Only darkness and hate
Now it is too late
For anyone to help you
There is no path to be seen

We cannot choose
What we cannot see
What hope can be had
When the future lies dead
What path can there be
Through the darkness?

Close Your Eyes

Close your eyes
Let your skin provide sight
As my fingers brush gently across your cheek
Let your smile light the world
As I softly caress you
Running rough hands over skin so smooth

Take a breath
As I imbibe the scent of your skin
Savour every taste of flavour
Gently lay my lips against your neck
Teeth closing delicately

Let yourself rest
As my hands explore your body
Finding tension
And releasing it
Firm yet soft

Enjoy every sensation
Of touch and feel
Your skin soft and smooth
As I work my way down
Stroking and touching every part of you

Your taste heavenly
As I follow hands with tongue
Lips and teeth combine
To further your pleasure
And my goal

Words

How can I write of beauty
When my heart is dark
How can I write of life and joy
When my mind is creacked

The words form in my mind
Waiting for me to put pen to page
Yet in between thoughts and ink
They fade, and change

Perhaps if I was to speak
Talk of the sights I see with eyes closed
But the words fail before they leave my mouth
As standing there I'm posed

Ready to speak
Silent
Ready to write
Silent

A blank page stares accusingly at me
Waiting for those words of beauty
Words to bring tears to joy
These words only hurt me
As they slowly escape

Falling

When we drown
We don't scream and shout
We don't wave our hands in the air
It is much more quiet
As we slowly slip away
Into the deep
Not moving
Falling

When we lose hope
We don't scream and shout
We don't yell it from the rooftops
It is much more quiet
As we slowly give up
Abandon hope
Any chance of a change
Falling

When we give in to despair
We don't scream and shout
We don't let our feelings out
It is much more quiet
It all seems so simple
It is just so clear now
There is no path forward
We are falling

What hope is there for those who drown?
What chance for those without hope?
What life for those who despair?
Those who are falling

Some battles must be fought alone
For pride or reason or love
But when we are drowning
We cannot fight alone
We must reach out
With faith
As we are falling

Faith that a hand will reach back
Grasp us
And help us from the deeps
Pull us to the surface
Give us love
Give us hope
Give us life
So we are no longer
Falling

Wisdom of the Stars

I walk the lonely streets without you
A cold wind blowing
I cannot remember how long I have walked this night
Or where I was going

I walk without ceasing
Caring not where I go
Until feet are sore beneath me
Then I stop. I look up. I know.

These stars that shine down on me
From so very far away
They shine down and guide my path
As if they want to say

"She is not lost to you, you fool!"
These are the words I hear
And take deep into my heart to hold
For such truths are dear

With ancient wisdom the stars did speak
And show the truth to me
You are never lost to me, my dear
No matter the distance across land or sea

These stars that light my path this night
And speak their ancient wisdom
Are the stars you see when night falls
And the skies begin to deepen

When you look up and see the stars
Open the ears of your heart
Listen to sweet music they bring
Feel in yourself their spark

Dance with me on a moonlit night
Under the silvery glow
All our fears and worries are gone
Your arms are all I will know

Sing with me the songs of the stars
As they share their beauty and joy
Hold my hand as we whisper sweet words
Now is no time to be coy

Suddenly my path becomes clear to me
I walk with a freshness of step
My mind is buoyed and my heart is free
As the stars' words I choose to accept

You have never been lost to me
Though distant you may lie
As long as we both remember
To turn our eyes to the sky

Tomorrow's Tomorrow

There is no comfort to lose a child
No words can make it better
A lifetime lost one dark day
The thought forever a spector

Thoughts of what could have been
Overcome those of what has been
short moments of happiness
Overwhelmed in a sea of pain

This pain shall never leave
But it will subside
Time brings healing
To wounds on the inside

So do not forget the love and joy
In the midst of pain and sorrow
There will be joy and love again
In tomorrow's tomorrow

Photograph

A faded photograph hangs on the wall
Flecks of dust shine and sparkle in the light
The teapot sits in a puddle of cold liquid
Faded now where once it was bright

Tarnished silver sits unused in the drawer
China, chipped and cracked, stands waiting
A piano slowly goes out of tune
Years now since it could sing

The window, stained with dirt and grime
looks out over a garden overrun with weeds
Crawling and competing with each other
A frenzy of unmet needs

The sky is gray now
Clouds linger and lurk, waiting to break
Waiting to bring water, turn dust to mud
Perhaps to wash away our mistakes

The photograph stands monument to better days
When all was light and love
When she would hold my hand and drink tea
Now she sings far above

Call to Me

Call to me
And I will answer
Wherever in the realms you lie
There shall I attend

Call to me
And I will answer
Bringing mighty armies to bear
Clearing all that lies between us

Call to me
And I will answer
Let the heavens fall
If they would keep me from you

Call to me
And I will answer
Letting none bar my path
Not even Death on his steed

Call to me
And I will answer

Finally Mine

When I close my eyes
I see your face
An immortal beauty
In every time and place

When I close my eyes
I feel your touch
your skin so soft
On mine so rough

When I close my eyes
I hear your voice
In simple words sweet
Offering a choice

Continue as I am
So distant and far
Or close my eyes again
And I will be where you are

So I let my eyes close
For the last and final time
To spend my days with you
Now you are finally mine

Floating

Floating
Drifting high above the world
On wings spread wide
Warm in the soft sun
Shining and reflecting blue sky

Floating
Sinking slowly into the deeps
Cool currents flowing over skin
Washing away grime and fears
Fading glow of sun far overhead

Floating
Spirit separate from body
Flying through a world of colour
Barely retaining form
Hearing siren call of the stars

Floating
Far away exploring
Then finding home once more
Safety and security
Rest

Stay With Me

Dance with me, my dear
Under the full moon's glow
As stars wheel and spin overhead
Let us dance the night away
And as the moon sinks low and light fades
Stay in my arms and sway
Dance with me

Sing with me, my dear
The songs of wordless love
That fill the air each morn
As sun rises and life stirs
Join in the harmony of life
Joyous celebration
Sing with me

Stay with me, my dear
Through all times bad and good
Through seasons turning
As empires rise and fall
Through many ages of man
Yet staying ageless and beautiful
Stay with me

Beside Me

It comes as a surprise
Each time I awake to find you here
Beside me
Each time I cry out in fear
As beasts of terrifying countenance stalk my dreams
You are holding me
Telling me I am safe
Giving your love
I feel blessed once more
That you are here

You are not mine
No man should own such beauty
Nor the rising sun that bathes all
In soft gentle glow
Nor the waterfall
In secluded cave
Sharing secret mist with all who dare venture
No, you are not mine
But you are here
Beside me

Who Am I To Judge?

So...
You want an ending
Sick of this life, you want a final answer
Who am I to judge?
A mere purveyor of goods
So step inside
See what it is I can offer

For tradition, a rope
Feel it in your hands
Soft and smooth
Woven from the hair of a thousand children
Who never felt the flush of a first kiss
Never feel in love, and out, and in love again
Never said goodbye knowing it was the last time
They were not good, or evil
They never had a chance to choose
Yes, try the rope
Feel your world shrink to nothing
As your muscles kick and give way
And bowels loosen in final shame
Perhaps no, something more modern

Take this knife
Feel the weight in your hand
See the shine and glint of light on the blade
Steel forged in a thousand dreams forsaken
Iron harvested from the blood of ten thousand babies
Born unliving
Mourned for a life never seen
A simple cut is all it takes
Sharp pain fades to a dull throb
As your lifeblood flows through jagged tears in flesh
Pooling below you
Leaving stains that last a lifetime
But not yours
No, this is not for you

Simpler, easier, this tub
Drown your sorrows
In the tears of millions left behind
Mourning the lives lost
Cursing inaction
Desperately wondering
what more could have been done?
What was left unsaid, that could have stopped this tragedy?
This meaningless waste

Drown your sorrows and forget
Each one you leave  behind
All touched by your life
More by your death
Each left incomplete
Wondering
Desperately seeking answers
To questions unheard
Searching for words
That remain unwritten
Lost now forever
As is hope
As is light
As is all

Who am I to judge?
One who sees
One who knows
One who loves

Before I Met You

Notes: I asked my muse to help me write something that would bring tears. She did, just not in the way I thought I meant... The music fits as well (May the wolves that prowl the night not find us, hidden by Your gentle gaze)



Before I Met You
I was never this lonely
Before I met you
Lost in a world of my own
No one else mattered
Just me
Then you came along
A star shining deeply in the darkest night
And suddenly I knew
I wasn't alone
I wasn't meant to be alone
Then you weren't there any more

I was never this scared
Before I met you
Nothing to lose
No consequence
It all meant nothing at all
Win or lose
No matter
Then you came along
Showing the value of everything
And suddenly I knew
I had worth
I had value
It all meant something
Then you weren't there any more

I was never this open
Before I met you
I kept myself locked away
From everyone
From my own feelings
Safe and secure
Then you came along
Unlocking every sealed door
And suddenly I knew
I could feel
I could cry
I could share
I could be
Then you weren't there any more

I was never this strong
Before I met you
I could pretend to everyone
I was hard and thought I was tough
Then you came along
Quietly showing me what strong means
And suddenly I knew
I didn't need to be hard
I could be strong
I would b e strong
I turned to show you
Then you weren't there any more

Stay with me this night

Sound the final bell
For sadly this is the end
But stay with me this night
Stay with me, my friend

Serve the last drink
Let us raise a toast
To those loved and those lost
Every spirit and every ghost

They gather here tonight
All in this place
Look! I can see them now
Every lonely face

Stay with me, my friend
Do not leave me all alone
For they will come again tonight
All those I have known

Those that I tried to help
Yet now they are lost
I see them this night
Each counting the cost

Stay with me this night
For in the dark, I fear
Lie memories of times long past
Each now standing clear

My friend, will you stay with me
Until this night is through?
When all have passed onwards again
And all that's left is you

Then shall I rest
For there shall lie peace
A state that can't be given
By noble or by priest

Do not leave now, my friend
The night is still and young
The lantern burns so brightly
By the door where it's hung

Until that light replaced by day
Stay by my side, I beg
For those who come to me tonight
Lie in their graves, dead.

Breath

With each
Breath
The world becomes clearer
Calmer
And I regain my focus
With each
Breath
I feel calmer
Ready to face them again
Knowing I can take a
Breath
Feel the cool air
Clean air
Air filled with energy
Bringing life back with every
Breath
Letting it out
Letting it go
Let all the pain flow
With each
Breath
Not gasp or shudder
But simple and sure
Steady and deep
Breath

I watch you still

I watch you still
Though dead I lie across the ocean
You are in my mind and eye
As much now as you were then

Together we rode
Together we fought, our enemies and each other
But always together again in the end
With you, my dear lover

Now we are apart
Seperated by more than just distance
I watch you still, and as you sleep
In my mind we still dance

Under forgotten stars
With the moon bright shining overhead
We dance with grace and style
Forgetting for a time that I lie dead

And while one day distant
We shall be joined once more
Until then I shall wait, and watch, and hope
You find what you are searching for

Goodbye

I never said goodbye
Before I left
The thought far from my mind
That I would not return
So I laid my cloak over your sleepin gface
Kissed you gently
And left

We had our highs and lows
But sleeping by the embers of a dying fire
Under the stars shining down
It was clear to me
Together we flew higher than any bird
In all our heated arguments
Your passion shone through
Now gone

I wonder now
Do you think of me still
As I think of you
Every night
Each time I see the stars so strange above
I remember
And wish once more I had the chance
To say goodbye

Lament

Lament the Earth that was
Before all turned to dust
When green fields met sky of blue
With golden skies at dusk

When birds called across the sky
And flew from branch to nest
White fur below, the rodents ran
Keeping what was best

Those days are gone, hidden away
From time of turmoil and war
Since then there are no nests to find
No birds, so what are they for

Now all is dust
No green to be found
No life remains
Not hare, nor hound

Except where hidden
Kept safe and secure
In bunkers deep and lost
Some life endures

Stories

Whose story will you live?

The parents
Loving and doting
Wanting safety
Security
Conformity

The friend
Who would see you fall
To be common
The same as all
Equal
Yet less

The teacher
Pushing you down the road
To a path unseen
Unknown
They know best

There is the easy choice
To let it slide
Take life as it comes
Accepting those gifts made
Yet never striving for more
Resigned

Then you may choose
To challenge the world
Fight to be strong
Explore every option
And stand when you fall
Ready to try again

With so many paths
So many stories to choose
Whose story will you live?

Listen

Listen
Hear the call
As it rings out true
Shaped in gentle melody
And harmonised with bliss

Listen to the music
That takes us by the hand
And leads us far from here
To a world just of our own
Where the soft glow of the moon lights the way

Listen
To every note
To every chord
As they mingle and mix
Creating a sum
Much greater than any of the parts

Listen and rejoice
The music shall life us high
Above the petty concerns of the world
Above the pains and sour fruit
To where the clouds glow in silver light

Listen
Let your soul be filled
Let your spirit fly free
As the music takes us away
Listen

This too shall pass

This too, they say, shall pass
It will be done with
The regret will fade, as does winter
And warmth will be found again

This has happened before, they say
There is nothing new under the sun
Learn to live with your mistakes
You will make many more

It will happen again
There is no doubt
Over and again, the pain
Ride it like the fire it is

Or simply give up
And leave all to fate
Abandon regret
By abandoning any choice

A Nectar

Pain
Is a nectar
Sweet and seductive
Inviting and full of allure
Daring another drink
Another taste
Just one more

Fall
Far into this trap
And find yourself anew
Seeking
Questing for another moment
Another taste
So bittersweet
And deadly

Taste not this drink
For it leads only to madness
A bitter circle
Of unending despair
Of pain

Comes A Time

There comes a time
When even midnight oil runs dry
When the cup that runneth over
Is empty, no matter how you try

There comes a time
When naught remains of the candle
Burnt until all tallow is gone
More than one can handle

And in this time
When spirits flee
And nothing is left
To shelter me

In this dark time
Of pain and sorrow
Not even hope remains
Of a better tomorrow

The question still remains
What is there to do
When there seems no option
But to push on through

Or simply let it go
Let the tide choose
Where and how to travel
What is there to lose

The Pool

A tranquil pool
Water smooth as glass
Reflecting the solitary cloud
Far above

A perfect blue
Sun shining down from afar
Warming gently the cool water
Still and silent

Not a bird calls
Not an insect moves
This moment
Perfect silence
Broken

A small frog croaks
And lands in the pool
Ripples spread and reflect
Sky filled with wonder

The sun shines and glows
The wind moves and blows
Fish swim
Insects swarm
And life carries on

Listen

Listen
Hear the call
As it rings out true
Shaped in gentle melody
And harmonised with bliss

Listen to the music
That takes us by the hand
And leads us far from here
To a world just of our own
Where the soft glow of the moon lights the way

Listen
To every note
To every chord
As they mingle and mix
Creating a sum
Much greater than any of the parts

Listen and rejoice
The music shall lift us high
Above the petty concerns of the world
Above the pains and sour fruit
To where the clouds glow in silver light

Listen
Let your soul be filled
Let your spirit fly free
As the music takes us away
Listen

Coffee the Cat

Coffee, the cat thought
Was a terrible name
Surely one more regal was owed
To a cat of great fame

Yet Coffee the cat she was
Thanks to a fall one fateful day
When little more than a kitten
On a windowsill she lay

Stretching and taking in the sun
Batting at a fly going round
Overbalancing as kittens often do
And landing in coffee freshly ground

Oh, the shame that she felt!
Oh, how her tail did twitch!
And since then the name that is hers
A name she wishes to switch!

Now Coffee the cat lies again sunbathing
Her kittenhood years behind her
But every so often someone will dare to remind
She bites them, really it's kinder!

She is There

There
See her there
In the moment between light and dark
In the space between now and then
She is there

Feel her touch
Gentle on skin
Soft still and lingers
Tracing over your form
With delicate hands
As you ride
Ready to fight
Her lips softly caress your skin
Know that you are blessed

When battle done and wounds are dressed
Resting, not sleeping, in cot or bed
A gentle warmth will fill you
A presence slip beside you
She is there

He Walks

He walks.
The waning moon provides just enough light for him to see. Shadows cast by trees cross his path, masking sharp stones and holes. He continues regardless. Only a small pack weighs his body, but his mind is burdened. He stumbles, corrects himself, and keeps walking.

He walks.
The sun casts little heat as it modestly shows itself above the horizon. His steps are slow and hesitant, yet he continues. A small cloud of dust is raised behind him for a moment, but then falls to the ground unheeded.

He walks.
The sun has passed far overhead and fallen, a reminder that all men must fall. Small blotches of red mar his trail. He steps now are staggered, uneven. A flagon, now empty, glints for the final time in the dying rays of the sun.

He walks.
The sun now below the horizon, moon not yet risen. Nothing can be seen beyond greys and blacks, all colour leached from the world. Each step is a lifetime, yet each step follows the last. His pack wears away at shoulders hunched and weary. Yet he continues.

He walks.
All burdens released, a lightness in his step. The moon shines high ahead, full and glowing with warmth that fills the air. Grass grows freely, cushioning every step. He is, finally, free.

The Unheard Word

For some, language is an art
Approached quickly and smart
Used facilely and discarded
Never to be taken to heart

For some, language is a struggle
Words fall apart and appear as a mumble
A hard field to till
These words that will not spill

Yet there exists a word that finds its place
Not in poet's work or hardy face
Not to be spoken by any tongue of man
Even when the thought demands

Staring into eyes so clear and deep
Holding warmth in arms ready to sleep
A word that comes to tip of tongue
Then falls away before 'tis sung

Then what is this fateful word
That even when never spoken is heard
A word kept trapped as the white dove

Wings

Grant me wings to fly
Far away into the night sky
And chase my dreams wherever they lie
Grant me wings to fly

Show me the stars and the moon
But, I pray, please show me soon
For I long for release and a chance to commune
Show me the stars and the moon

Give me the strength to see
Far above the oceans and sea
Distant lands filled with adventure and glee
Give me the strength to see

Open my eyes to the world
Beauty and truth unfurled
Gently soar as wingtips curled
Open my eyes to the world

Grant me wings to fly
So that I might touch the sky
The furthest reaches I shall try
Grant me wings to fly

Sleep not this night

Sleep not this night
Lie awake with me
Let us share our dreams
Before I leave across the sea

Lie awake with me
And we shall speak all night
Whisper in each other's ears
Of our love, of our dreams, of our fright

Let us share our dreams
Be they good or bad
Down to every final detail
Soon they will be all we had

Before I leave across the sea
Spend this final night with me

Untitled

Gentle now
Slide it across
No, not too fast
Slow
Slow and sure
That's it now
You're getting the idea
Soft, slow and gentle

Feel it in your hand
Firm and gentle grip
Too tight and you will cramp
Too loose and you will lose it
Like holding a bird
Firm and gentle

Don't mind the mess
It cleans up well
Cold water helps
Soak it long
Then wash it well
It will be white again
Not a speck of red

Let it fall now
Slump to the ground
A discarded husk
Let it return to the Earth
From whence it came

There Lies My Love

When I look out and see the wild horse running free
Galloping across the plain with the wind in her mane
Then I shall say
There lies my love

When the moon shines high beaming down from the sky
And the stars sing while heavenly bells ring
Then I shall say
There lies my love

When in the deepest depths where even the Kraken fears to step
A dim light glows to create a show
Then I shall say
There lies my love

For my love is as free as the wild horse running
My love shines brighter than stars or moon
My love brings light to the darkest places
Shining brighter than the sun at noon

And when they ask what do I see, why I smile when he is so far from me
Then I shall say
There lies my love

Untitled

Your eyes glisten in the light
Invite me in, to fall into the night
And be found again, rescued by joy
Bound by love that lifts and bouys
Such a binding welcome by far
As chains of love borne by the heart are
These chains are soft, and silver and light
Providing a counter to the dark of night
In the depths of your eye I fell
And trapped I remain, but not in a cell
Caught for once in the opposite of hell
In a trap of my own making
As lost in your eyes I am taken
To a world filled with laughter and light
A world where at last I feel right
A world that has only us two
Your eyes tell me that this is true
And waiting for me they shine
With a promise they will be mine

I See Her

I see her still
In the flight of a bird
Free and uncaring
Soaring across the sky
Into the blue

I see her still
In the soft rippling brook
Pebbles and stones slowly turn
As water cascades and flows
Always moving

I see her still
In the flowers that grow
Wild and free
Colours shining in the sun
On her grave.

The Silence of Grief

Hear the silence of grief
A heart torn asunder
Let all here wail and weep
Let tears herald thunder

Hear the absence of joy
In all words spoken
They are lost to us now
Their paths all frozen

Feel the righteous fire
Vengeance is ours
For this they will burn
We leave in just hours

Hear the silence of grief
In a hall now empty

The Meadow Pt 2

The sun shines down
Only remnants of brown remain
Shards of grass, hardened now and brown
Baked in temperatures obscene
The ground itself torn and ripped apart
Screaming in endless agony
Once the wind flowed
Sang of far distant lands
Now it only sings of death
As the dry wind steals remaining moisture
Sucking every last drop it can
Desperate, for none is left
The scarred earth shakes once more
Violence still present in the depths
Legacy of a madness unmatched
In any age of the Earth
Such arrogance
Such fear
All lost now
As the sun shines down

The Meadow

The sun shines down
Gently caressing grass of green
Giving life to all it touches
And all that lies underneath
The soft wind blows
Leaving ripples in its wake
Carrying seeds on great journeys
To places far distant
Where they may grow and bring life
Touched still by the gentle rays

No clouds in this sky
A perfect blue
Shining and smiling down
Yet clouds there shall be
To bring the water of life
Helping all to grow

Through the air
With carefree abandon
The butterfly soars
In her mind all is at peace
Contentment fills her being
Beauty is created by her very presence
Fleeting in time
But always remembered
Where the sun shines

The Moon

The soft moan lingers
Ringing in the ear as the greatest music of old
Always remaining on the very cusp of hearing
Lingering
Waiting to be heard again
Yet it is gone forever

A soft shimmer in the dark
Reflecting what faint light there is
Reminds of the far distant moon
Yearning to be touched
Fading away each day
Only to be born again
Seek not this light
For it has long passed

The faintest copper smell
As the crowns and ornaments of time immemorial
Savoured and shared
Signs of great wealth, great favour
Tarnished
Years gone by without use
Without sight
Forgotten in caves and barrows
Waiting

A drop falls
Yet hangs in the air
Suspended in a moment of time
See the shape form
Deep red of finest wine
Leaving bottle and passing lips
Nourishment and pleasure
It falls now
Lands
Breaking moment of perfect silence
To be followed by another
And another again
Until endless stream flows

The flow slows
Stops
endless no more
In fading light a glint
As blade falls
Lands with final thud
On carpet soaked and dark
An ending at last
As the moon rises again
Bathing all in soft cold light

Backlog

I've got a backlog of stuff to post, I'll see how I go over the weekend. In the meantime...

Work in progress

The first time was the hardest. And the easiest, when it came down to it. Like so many things, it started in a bar. Not a happy bar, no celebrations here. Wasn't a meat-market either. The only reason for this bar was to consume as much alcohol as you could, as quickly as possible. The rules are unwritten in these places, but strictly enforced. No trouble, ever. If you start anything, the enforcers step in. None of them ever licensed, but they could stand in for Godzilla in the right light.

I saw him, at the bar, drinking like his life depended on it. I guess it did though, in hindsight. In any case, I'd already watched him stalking the streets, shaking down the bums and cheap whores. I knew him. Not his name, but enough to get started. It was easy to sit there nursing my whiskey, if you were quiet then no one would ever bother you.

He wasn't hard to follow. Staggered a little, not surprising given how much he'd been drinking. I caught up with him in a nice quiet spot in the park. Enough light to see from the moon, but that was it. Bumped into him. Slurred an apology. Slit his throat.

It was messy. Noisier than I had thought, as well. But the park was big, and nobody comes running if they hear anything here. Quite the opposite.

I left him to bleed out in the moonlight, just kept walking. Didn't look like much. I can honestly say I felt nothing. No concern. In this town, unless you're a pretty white girl or have someone to push the case, an investigation just ain't happening. He'd go down on the books as unsolved, victim known to police, suspected drug deal gone bad. Christ knows, happens often enough. Just another statistic.

I also felt no joy. He meant nothing more to me than proof of concept. A test, if you will, of strategy and tactics. Some lessons to be learned. Improvements to be made. I can't even say I was grateful. Not for him.

Shifted

He sits
Clutching his head again
The eternal pain
Stabbing behind eyes unseeing
As he stares into eternity
It is worse tonight
He is close
He must complete

Blinded by pain her reaches out
Hand guided by demon in head
Knowing he can only delay the inevitable
Yet willing to sacrifice his future
For the present
For relief

Grasping the knife he drags it back
Until deep red flows freely
Soothing, calming
He watches it flow, soaking into wood
Stained already
Splotched and coloured
Letting it flow freely

Slowly the pain recedes, is replaced
A moment of balance
Vision returning as movement fails
Grip lost, a clatter as blade falls
Slumping back he can see
Reaching down, tries to cover
Fails
His mind now clear, demon sated
He sees the truth, the pain not gone
Just shifted

Vision fading once more
He laughs
Defeated
Present all that remains
Future lost now
He smiles and tries to salute his foe
Fails

The pain is gone

Journey Undone

I went on a journey the other day
Long and dark the roads traversed
I met a man, he had this to say
"Do not go further. This path is cursed."

I asked him to explain, to tell me more
But he just stood there in silence
I asked again, if he was truly sure
He stood and looked at me with defiance

So I continued on my journey
Walking down the cursed path
Telling myself that nothing would affect me
Feeling coldness clenching at my heart

I strode down the path, darkness falling fast
I saw a lady sitting on a rock
She didn't speak as I walked past
But looked at me and motioned to stop

Ignoring her I pushed into the dark
Where vines were choking the way
My shirt was torn, a wound above my heart
The blood flowed, I did not stop to stay

The path disappeared, lost in the night
I pressed forward, collecting wounds
For any thought at all, a hint that I might
Turn back, give up, was a loon

But came a point where could push no further
And wrapped in branches, I hung
Striving to free myself, so would not remain stuck here
Stubborn pride took me this far along

I remain there, hanging, to this very day
Cursing the choices that led me here
I should have listened to what he had to say
Instead I live in this nightmare

Curse

That eternal curse
That stirs emotions
Creates waves of feeling
Causes commotion

Bringing pain unimaginable
Sometimes unbearable
Slicing deep through barriers
Standing time immermorial

Some call a blessing
Knowing not what they say
Seeing not the true meaning
Hurt is the way

For this cursed blessing
Leading down slippery slope
To deepest pit of despair
The cursed hope

My Head

My head is not space

My head has no space

Filled with thoughts

Sometimes with pain

Sometimes with joy

But always full

My head is in space

Drifting freely 

Floating from point to point

Slowly freezing

Becoming set as thoughts slow

Held tightly

My head needs space

To expand and flow

To try

The Simple Task

The simple task impossible
The complex unimaginable
Even to start, to begin
Insurmountable
The barriers too high
The moat too wide
So stay hidden
Unstarted is better than unfinished
Safety in hiding

Blood

Blood fills my vision
Slowly coating each surface
Gently caressing
Thick layer of red

Blood drips down
One drop at a time
Pooling in small sticky puddles
Drying slowly until
Blood drips down
Breaking the surface

Where has it come from?
Where does it go?
Why does it stay?

I move
Each step harder as the world drags at me
Each time slower
Wanting to give in
Refusing to stop
I move and become coated myself
Blending

Blood is my vision
A constant sea of red
Darkening slowly
Darkening
Gone.

Confessions

How do I confess
That I have looked out at the world
Turned away in fear
Hidden in my cave
Alone

How do I confess
That the load becomes too much
I wish for an end to come
Silent and sure
Final

How do I confess
That pure chance alone
A turn of fate
Stands between me and that decision
An ending

How do I confess
The soft glint of steel
The gently sharpened blade
The soft kiss against flesh
Attracts

How do I confess
Given the choice
To abandon all that is loved
All that has been gained
I would

How do I confess
In the deepest depths
In the darkness
Hiding from the light
It waits

How do I confess
My strength fails even now
My will to hold loosens
As does my grip
Falling

How do I confess
When words will not come
When mouth and tongue are still
When all that is left is
Silence

How do I confess
Admit that I have failed
Given in to the torment
All I seek now
An end.

How Simple

How simple it is
To run the blade slow
Watch the red swell slowly
Rising behind steel

How simple it feels
The sharpness first
Later the dull roaring fire
A good pain
A memory to be treasured

How simple to stroke
Again and again
Each time building
Each time bringing new heights

How simple to watch
Detached
Separate and connected
Finally feeling
Finally in control

How simple

Malice

We hurt the ones we love the most
Through knowing their heart
That's the place to begin, you see
The vital place to start

To truly hurt someone
Cause them the greatest pain
You have to know them well
Get inside their brain

And knowing then becomes a type
Of love, twisted and vile
Through this love you stab them deep
Weapons on the pile

To care enough to hurt them so
To want them in such pain
Beyond reason, beyond thought
Beyond any hope of gain

This poison fills inside your veins
A poison dark and strong
Changes you, become the beast
It doesn't take so long

Beguile them with seductive words
Bring them close to you
Then slide that dagger slowly in
Keep the path true

This is the essence of love gone wrong
When turns as cold as ice
This is that terrible state
Malice

Heal Thyself

Healer, heal thyself
Do not let it go
Do not let your skills go to ruin
As your body fails
Mind overflows
With pain taken from others
Healer, heal thyself

Healer, heal thyself
Let not the suffering continue
Release the pain
Let it go
Do not keep it within you
Give the final release
Healer, heal thyself

Healer, heal thyself
Allow time for wounds to close
Time to rest
Time enough to learn to love
Your broken heart shows
That time is not your friend
Healer, heal thyself

Unasked

A single tear unshed
Holds an ocean of pain
Hiding in the small drop
Look deep within
If you dare

The surface glistens
Bending light
Yet some is trapped
Rays bouncing and shifting
Seeking escape
Finding only sorrow

Move closer
See within
Small grains swirl
Lost in a cycle of endless despair
Fighting a hopeless battle
Each time they rise
They fall

Leave it be then
Unshed and unasked

Her

Trace the gentle curve
As candelight brings a soft glow
Skin shining in the light
Allow the charcoal to flow
Gently over the page
Tracing out the lines seen
As she smiles at you
Her eyes shine and gleam

The flickering glow shows
A beautiful sight to see
As she stands there still
Quiet and patiently
Waiting for your strokes
On parchment fine and stretched
Smiling as she thinks
Of the portrait you have sketched

Draw well, as hands are moved
By angels of the heart
Careful strokes leaving traces
Of beauty and art
Caress her skin gently
With your eyes
As flickering light fades
Do not let it disguise
Her

Tears

Let the tears flow
Don't keep them pent up
Behind a dam of flat
Hiding from the world

Feel the pressure build
As each tear forms
Is held back
Waiting
For release

One day the dam will break
Flat expression turn to sadness
Tears flowing freely
Scourging all in their way
Leaving channels
Raw and bleeding
In their wake

So let them flow
Accepted
Caring.

Dark

In the darkness no one can see
I can hide away in perfect safety
None that will be able to find me

In the deeps it's lovely and cold
No need for warmth from cuddle or hold
I can stay and hide until I'm old

Some people complain about the dark
Say that it will break their heart
I say, it's just a start

Live in the dark for a while
Learn to exist without smile
You'll find it's not so vile

After all, eternal night isn't bad
Just a place where you're free to be sad
When you're feeling down and bad

Cheer Up Emu Kid

Cheer up Emu Kid!
Life ain't that bad
Look at the world around you
Don't be so sad!

Cheer up Emu Kid!
Things are going to be great
The world out there is ready for you
So why stay here and wait?

But, but, but, cries Emu Kid
My world is full of pain
No one understands me
I'm stuck here in my brain!

I want to fly, cries Emu Kid
I want to see the world
But these useless stumps of wings
Can't even be unfurled

They can't flap and I can't fly
Useless waste of space
Just let me hide away again
I don't want to see your face

Cheer up Emu Kid!
It's not that bad
Your wings don't work, sure
But don't be sad

See those legs?
Strong and swift
With nice sharp talons
Give those a lift!

You've got class, you've got style
You've got so much to give
Cheer up and run, Emu Kid!
Get out there and live

Don't tell me buts, Emu Kid
I don't want to hear you but
So go on, run, fast as hell!
Go and have a strut!

Rain

The rain falls
A blessed relief
Each drop life
Each splash welcome

The rain falls
Soothing sounds
Send to sleep
Dream of water

The rain falls
Fill the ground
Run into streams
Replenish the earth

The rain falls
Short time only
Passing in night
Leaving joy behind

Empty Chalice

An empty chalice
An empty mind
Both waiting to be filled
Once full waiting to be emptied
With what shall you fill your mind?
A rich drink of love?
Warm and thick
Filling to the brim
Slowly drunk only to fill again
The cold strength of intellect?
Fulfilling yet empty
Cold and harsh on the tongue
Leaving rim of frost
The poison of malice?
Steaming and vile
Filled with bile
Of events best forgotten
Whichever you choose
Fill it well and drink
Lest it simply collects dust
Empty

My Heart

Come, demon, into my heart
Come now, demon, I pray
You are welcome here, come stay
There, now we have made a start

You are welcome here, demon
Welcome to live and play
I'm sure you will want to stay
You shall see, before too long

You're not the first, oh no
Not the first by far
They come, they try so hard
Then they always go

So please stay, demon dear
Stay just a little while
Show me that toothy smile
There's a place for you right here

I cleared out my heart for you
I left it spick and span
You staying is part of the plan
I want you, demon, I do

After all, there's nothing left for me
I scrubbed it all away
No emotions now can sway
I need you, don't you see?

Why do you run, demon
Why do you go away?
Why can't you just stay?
For a little while, even?

Another one lost to me
I guess I should expect it
If I had a heart it would feel hurt
I feel nothing now, you see

So time to keep on searching
At least I'm not still hurting

The Shadow Watches

He runs
Ungainly limbs flying through the air
Dust raised by every pounding footstep
Sweat streaming down naked skin
Leaving small smooth craters in the dirt
The sun beats down
The shadow watches and does nothing

He climbs
Scarce noticing the feel of bark
Small splinters working into torn flesh
Insects fall or are crushed
Striving to get lighter, faster
The sun beats down
The shadow watches and does nothing

He stalks
Care taken with each step
Silent and sure
Arrow on string ready to fly
To bring down his prey
The moon shines brightly
The shadow watches and does nothing

He sails
Salt spray covering skin
Callouses torn, healed, torn again
At mercy of the great winds
Monsters sleeping deep
The sun beats down
The shadow watches and does nothing

He dies
Alone and facing death with no fear
By choice lying strong
Ready and willing
Waiting
The sun beats down
The shadow watches, reaches out in gentle embrace
Covers him in care and memory
The sun beats down no more

The Moon Shines

The moon shines down
Casting silver shadows
In the shadows form shapes
Faces twisting and turning
The dark of the moon glows
The faces turn, revealing
A hidden face
A strong face
A cloud passes and all is hidden

The moon shines down
A noble queen on her throne
Chained beast leashed at her feet
The dark of the moon glows
A noble queen lies chained
Bound in silver links
Twisted wires of gold
The beast stands guard
Silently watching
A cloud passes and all is hidden

The moon shines down
The cup fills slowly with blood
As life drains away
A gift taken but not stolen
Yet not willingly given
The cup is raised to the heavens
The dark of the moon glows in return
Bringing life and heat
Leaving the cold of death
A cloud passes and all is hidden

Skin

https://soundcloud.com/mahray/skin

Paint a smile on your face
Cover the cracks in your skin
Don't let them see within
To the harsh reality

Eggshell thin
This facade of hope
Pretending you can cope
With the pain

Slide a stone
Over the metal
Check the fettle
Nice and sharp

Feel the cool
On your skin
As the blade slides in
Gently

Leave a line
Of raising red
Let it shed
Dripping slowly

Dig a little deeper
Make it last
As in the past
Showing careful scars

Carve a smile on your face
Slide deep through your skin
Show what is within

My Shining One

I used to write songs in a minor key
Coz that was how the world looked to me
But then I met you and my world got bright
Now my songs are all fluffy and light
I just want to thank you, for changing my world
And showing me colours, in shades and in swirls
For taking all my dark days and making them so, so happy and light

Thank-you baby, thank-you
For making my world bright
Thank-you baby, thank-you
You make my burdens light
Thank-you baby, thank-you
For everything you've done
Thank-you baby, thank-you
My shining one

Minor Key

Each time I sing
I find myself in minor key
Not truly by choice
But this is how the world seems to me

When I draw the world
Always shades of blue
It is what I see
I show the world true

When I tell the truth
People turn away
I see it happen
Day after endless day

And so I try to hide
I try to lie
To paint the world
With bright blue sky

So they ar ehappy
And think I am too
When it's all a sham
They have no clue

So I hide away
From a world full of pain

Unicorns

Unicorns - Ancient Horned Menace or Sexual Metaphor?
Walk into any bar on any campus in the world, and you'll find a bunch of hooligans pretending to be students. Often drunk, loud, obnoxious, and generally not good company at all. However, if you by chance find yourself in the postgraduate and staff bar, then a completely different sight will greet your weary eyes. Make your way past the security, bluff your way into the bar and pull up a stool. What will you find? Very serious, very learned people with just one topic on their minds.

Unicorns.

That's right, unicorns are a topic that is close to any professional academic's heart. Once they've relaxed a bit in a safe environment, it is a topic that is constantly raised. There are two broad sides to the debate. Unicorns were an ancient species that was hunted to extinction because of their horn (similarly to Rhinos in present times), or that the unicorn is a metaphor for bisexuality and 'sexual perfection'. Let's consider both of these theories before coming to any conclusions.

Unicorns as an ancient species
The first theory commonly held is that unicorns were an existing species, that were hunted to extinction because of the apparent healing properties of their horns. When we think of a unicorn, we often picture the pure white horse with a horn thrusting out of the centre of its head. However, the first reports of unicorns are of a much more terrifying beast.

In ancient Roman texts the unicorn was describe as a terrible beast, fully prepared to use its formidable weapon both in defence and offence. This was not the gentle horse, but instead a creature with fangs, hooves, and a goat-like head. By any means, the unicorn as described by the Romans was a frightful sight, a beast that used its long horn as a weapon against much larger animals. While there are no confirmed reports of the diet of a unicorn, it can be assumed that it was a carnivore based on the nature of its horn as well as the simple requirements to maintain functioning of its body. To put it simply, an ancient unicorn would not be able to survive on plants. It needed to eat meat. Lots of meat.

Of course, like many predators in ancient (and modern) times, the virility of the unicorn became famous. Carcases would be found through ancient European forests, with clear signs of stab marks. Trees were slashed at great heights, as unicorns marked their territory. The occasional unicorn corpse was discovered, torn to shreds in ritual contest. Unicorns, clearly, were an animal to be reckoned with. Such strong virility must be concentrated in some part of the animal. Obviously the most virile part of any unicorn was their long and spiralling horn. Once this meme started to spread, unicorn horn became an extremely valuable commodity, due to the perceived benefits of ground unicorn horn, and scarcity. Put simply, rich people would pay a great deal of money for unicorn horn, which was extremely hard to get. Many hunters gambled their lives to hunt unicorns, and lost.

However, any predator the size of a unicorn must control a large territory to maintain their feeding pattern. This puts a small upper limit on the number of unicorns that could exist in any one area at a time. Before agriculture, there were large stretches of forest across most of Europe, so the unicorn population was high. Once forests were cleared for farming, the population shrank under habitat pressures. Hunting of unicorns for their horns, although dangerous, was profitable enough that it did not take long for unicorns to become mostly extinct as a species. The only survivors would be those in inaccessible places, or individuals who were particularly aggressive and strong.

This theory has some evidence to support it. Ancient writings show a reasonably consistent account of unicorns, the variations in depiction can be attributed to adaptations to a particular environment and the difficulty of describing such a beast. There are clear parallels that can be drawn between trade in unicorn horn and Rhino horn.

Unicorns as a metaphor for sexual perfection 
Given the supposed existence of unicorns in ancient Europe, and their predatory nature, it is somewhat surprising to see them portrayed as white-coated, innocent, and pure beings who will only approach a virgin. However, when considering the unicorn as a metaphor for sexual perfection, then these attributes make a great deal of sense.

In this context, sexual perfection is a description of a state of bisexuality where one is comfortable with the sexuality of both their masculine and feminine sides. It does not necessarily imply that one must join in same-sex relationships, but is more the essence of comfort with one's own sexuality and a balanced mind.

The parallels between a unicorn and sexual perfection are clear. The unicorn exists in a state of perfection itself, demonstrated by its purity and pristine white coat. The gentle prancing motion is an indication of a true acceptance of the unicorn's femininity. The horn, in this depiction much cleaner and shorter, is a phallic symbol representing the masculine side of the unicorn. The juxtaposition of masculinity and femininity would normally create conflict, however the unicorn shows us a clear path to what sexual perfection should be.
There is also the often-repeated myth of requiring a virgin to capture a unicorn. The big, masculine hunters are so full of virility that they cannot approach or tempt the unicorn, so they will call on the services of the local 'pure' virgin, traditionally a young maiden. The unicorn is so touched by this purity that it will approach calmly, allowing the hunters to capture it.

This represents the imbalance in the hunters (always male in these stories). They have strong masculine traits, as is appropriate for that time, but refuse to accept any traits of femininity that exist inside themselves. This lack of acceptance means that they cannot achieve sexual perfection, and are thus rejected by the unicorn. The virgin represents the complete opposite of sexual perfection, a lack of sexual identity. While the unicorn is attracted to the virgin, it is with the aim of turning their lack of sexual identity into sexual perfection. This is not a process of corrupting the virgin, but of allowing them to explore their own sexuality and progress to the perfection.

It is clear that the hunters, while strongly masculine, will inevitably fail in their self-imposed task of taming the unicorn, because they are unwilling to accept their femininity. Should one of the hunters reach sexual perfection, then the unicorn would join with them happily.

Putting it together 
While each theory does a good job of describing the facts, they are both incomplete by themselves. After all, unicorns as a metaphor for sexual perfection would not exist if there was not the concept of a unicorn in the first instance. Conversely, if unicorns were simply an ancient beast hunted to extinction, then there would not be the depictions of unicorns as the white and noble creatures.

Instead, the most likely explanation is the simplest. Unicorns did roam through ancient European forests until they were hunted to extinction, their horns taken, with corpses left to rot on forest floors. Descriptions were passed through the centuries, until they became adapted as a metaphor for sexual perfection, an otherwise difficult concept.

Violet

The lone violet stnads
Alone in the field
Untouched
Surrounded by trampled green
Grass and flowers pressed into the mud
Tinged red with blood

Yet the violet stands
Petals turned towards the sun
Mute testimony to life itself
Life that will continue
In the midst of chaos
Flourish and grow

The violet stands proud
Alone no more
A sea of colour
Proudly shining in the sun
Gently moving in the wind
Alive

Trust Me

Trust me, he said
Taking her hand
Dragging her down the lane

Trust me, he said
Pulling her hard
Towards the sound of the train

Quickly, he cried
As they ran along
Scuffing along uneven stones

Quickly, he cried
Running onto the road
Past the high and mighty homes

Wait, she gasped
Trying to slow
Uncertainty dogging her steps

Wait, she gasped
Pulling his hand
Feeling bewildered, perplexed

I don't know, she wailed
Wondering, where
Where would they both end up

I don't know, she wailed
Frightened, unsure
This journey so very abrupt

Trust me, he said
As they boarded the train
Whistle blowing loud and clear

Trust me, he said
Holding her hands
The world awaits us my dear

Sleep

Sleep
That elusive state
When body at last can rest
Yet mind still churns
Driving constantly towards fear
Anguish

Why, why must sleep be so hard
Why must the terrors arise
With frightful regularity
Disturbing that gentle state
Of sleep

To sleep, to dream
To suffer loss and pain
Over and again the mind is torn
Wrenched from rest to wakefulness
Tearing apart over shards of terror
As once again the subconscious is opened
The monsters unleashed

What then is the choice
To suffer and live in fear
Heart torn with mind
Into pieces
Or to avoid
Alertness lost
Mind fogged with poison of fatigue
Body falling
Failing

So sleep
Risk the night
Hope for rest
But know it will not come
Without a cost

If

The world is dry
Heat fills the landscape
Nothing remains on the ground not parched
Dried and desiccated
Hear it crunch underfoot
As you slowly wander

The ground baked red
Rusty in colour and feel
Cracks cover the surface
No hint of moisture here
Nothing left
But dust

Look up and see
Perfect blueness of sky
Unmarred by clouds
Offering hope
Infinite expanse to spread
If only
If

An Empty Room

An empty room
Carpet faded, worn
Walls off-white and streaked with grime
Patches showing repairs completed long ago

An empty room
Smell of mould and dust
Filling the nose and choking
Cut by a faint hint of bleach

An empty room
Quiet and still, no air moves
Any sound echoes harshly
Then is lost

An empty room
Filled with ghosts
Memories of times past
Joy and sadness fading to grey

An empty room
Nothing remains now
All has been taken

Oak

On the porch the chair rocks alone
Thin layer of dust on well worn seat
A storm rides the nighttime air
Bringing a chill and hint of rain
Nothing stirs

On the porch an old man rocks
Hands turned pale and stiff with age
He shares stories of his youth
When the world was different
Better
The children listen and learn
Not knowing what it is they are learning
Content to hear the old man as he rocks

A gift well recieved
As age tires her joints
The chair provides comfort
Watch the children play
While parents work in the fields
She smiles and is young once more
Forever to him

He works long into the night
Hands firm and steady
Splotched and scarred with experience
Shaves of oak spread
And create mountains for ants to scale
Striving as they will
As he does
Until his task is complete

The storm is fierce
Shared warmth broken by shouts of thunder
A bright light shines for a moment
Then soft yellow glow
Quickly hidden by rain
The morning sun reveals the great oak
Now shattered and rent in two
Part burnt
Part living
A once mighty tree taken by nature
And falling as all things must fall

He climbs
Watched from the porch
As he scrambles up the oak
Trying to reach the top
See what the birds must see
Today he fails
Fear overcoming his mind
Flesh weakened he comes down
Knowing that one day
He will see as the birds
One day

Time has passed
The sapling grows healthy and strong
The boy learns to walk
Talk
Countless questions diverted
Each time bringing memories
Each time harder to put aside
Soon answers must be given
But not yet

The baby cries
In this very moment inconsolable
Yet this moment shall pass
Innocence the gift of the young
Forgiveness a gift never accepted
As the father stares at the small growth
Growth to commemorate loss
He holds the baby closely
The cry a rememberance to all that is lost
A promise to the future

They hold hands
Lost in each other's eyes
His hand moving over the swell of her
His nose enjoying the smell of her
They relax and laugh
Under the gentle shade of the oak
Soon to be left behind
But never forgotten
A reminder of the past
At the beginning of their future

Posts from the Vault - Scars, Regrets, Forgiveness, Acceptance

An old friend, Mahray, dropped in to visit. He told me a story of sorts, then had a drink and left again. Bit off a weird one, to be honest.

Scars
Scars. We all bear them. Each carries a story, whether of emotional or physical injuries. Some scars fade over time, others are with us for life. Some scars flare up now and again, others are painful for the rest of our lives. Scars.

I have many scars. Some of them are worthy of stories. Others are not. This is the story of some of my scars, where they came from. Why the still pain me.

Take this one. Faded. Slightly raised. Runs along the back of my thumb, right on top of the joint. It flexes with movement. It is one of many scars on my hands. These come from a life of work. Not being incautious, those are other scars. No, these come from the day to day tasks, minor slips, cuts. Look at anyone's hands, look at your own. You will find they tell the story of a life, in small blemishes, scars, marks. Look carefully at your own. Think back to how you gained each mark. They all tell a part of the greater story.

A word of advice. Look carefully at the hands of those you would deal with. If you can see their story, even if you cannot read it, then deal with them. If you cannot, walk away. For one who's hands do not tell their story are hiding from you.

Another small scar, sharper. A simple accident. A reminder of the risks of careless action. Not that I don't take action now, but there are times when I think first. Sometimes.

Moving further along, down my arm. A set of scars along my wrist. Messy. Harsh. Fading now, but still visible, after decades worth of slow healing. A reminder of the past. A story to tell.

Not the most interesting story, I will admit. A simple childhood game. A challenge, a misjudgement, a door closing. A door closing hard, with glass. I'm sure you can fill in the rest, as an intelligent being. Let us say it was my first truly impressive scar, but is not and will not be my last.

Moving further, again. My shoulder. A letter, faintly outlined in white tissue against the darker skin. A small physical scar masking a much deeper, vicious emotional wound. A wound that to this day bleeds a little more each hour, a constant reminder of a presence now gone. The wound, inflicted by another. The scar entirely my own.

Let us continue on our journey. Across my side, running into my back. A long, ragged mark. The legacy of another mistake, this one proved nearly fatal. A simple mistake, common in nature. Assuming that once an enemy was on the ground they were not worthy of attention. Do not make the same mistake I did. An enemy is your enemy until they are dead. Even then, you should treat them with the respect and caution that they deserve. Even the meanest enemy can prove fatal if not treated with respect, and sometimes more than scars remain. Or less.

Across my leg. Perfectly parallel to the ground. Dark and slightly puckered. You would be forgiven for thinking that this scar was inflicted by a blade, deliberate. You would be wrong. Again, an accident. A careless movement. A lasting legacy, a reminder that care must always be taken even in familiar surroundings.

Every time I consider this scar, I am reminded of those familiar surroundings. Each time it brings fresh memories, fresh recollection, fresh pain. Another scar that refuses to heal. Perhaps I refuse to let it heal, for healing would mean forgetting. I will not forget. So the scar remains.

There are more. Many more. Each scar tells it's own story, forms a part of the tapestry of my skin. To tell all the stories would be to tell the story of my life. Reliving each part, looking back on those decisions again. Would I change them? No. Each scar forms a part of me now, a part of who I am and who I have become. They are my life, and I would not change my life.

I think Mahray had got into my drinks cupboard fairly early. There were some little shards of glass around the place, I've done my best to clean it up but probably best if we keep the lil ones away from the dungeon for a while

Regrets

Hi. Sorry about the mess, I had a bit of a spill when I was pouring myself a drink. Cleaned it up for the most part, just watch out for those little bits of broken glass. You know the bits I mean, the only way you can find those is bare feet. Tentacles, I guess, in your case. Never mind. Bit of pain never hurt anyone, did it.

Sorry to let myself in without asking, but you were off and about. Went for a walk last night, couple of trips around the place. Nice gardens you've got, very relaxing. Could do with a labyrinth though, in my opinion. Walking around the gardens and the grounds is all very good, but a true labyrinth would make quiet meditation and thought that much easier.

Thought a lot last night. After our little chat, that is. Well, I chatted. You just listened, and thank you for that, I appreciate it. Sometimes I need to talk, every couple of years. Hard to find people to listen, who don't get scared. I mean look at me, not the most upstanding-looking gentleman ever.

Last we spoke, I was showing you my scars. Some of them, anyway. I have more, as everyone does. Plenty on the inside as well. One day I'll breathe my last breath, and I'll be finished on this world. At that time, perhaps a higher being will take a look at my soul. I wonder what they'll see. There are some scars there as well, big ones.

I don't want to talk about that tonight though, you've heard enough for the time being of my life. What I want to talk about is how I deal with it. Knowing what I do of you, you must have some scars of your own. Mistakes, big ones. That's the real definition of power, I've heard it said. Power means when you make a mistake, as you are bound to do, it's a big one. Affects lots of people. The more power you have, the bigger your mistakes.

I've made plenty in my time. Had plenty of chances to regret what I've done. I spent years dwelling on my mistakes. Each scar, bringing memories, could just as easily bring regrets. They don't though. I came to a... epiphany, a while ago now. The past is passed. It seems trite, but consider that statement in some depth. What is in the past has happened, yes. We can't change it. Well, I can't, don't know about you. Given the choice though, I still wouldn't change anything. Even the bad bits.

We are made up of choices. It's the same as power and making mistakes. Power is also about making choices. Those choices, good or bad, define us. The greater the power we possess, the greater the mistakes we can make, but the more and bigger the choices. I am the sum of my choices, all of them. Changing what has happened would change who I am now. Even going back to make 'better' choices, would mean that I would not be me, I would be someone else. That someone else may be a better person, or a wiser person, or a happier person. But they would not be me.

So I choose to make my decisions, knowing that when I look back with the ever-clear hindsight I may feel they should have been different. I choose to accept this, and not regret. Regret is a useless emotion, it only causes pain and distress. Have I made mistakes? Yes, many, and some of them have caused terrible harm. Do I regret them? No. I choose to accept that the past has passed and cannot be changed. I choose to look to the present and the future, and not dwell on the past.

So I do not regret breaking that glass. I am sorry. I do hope that you don't have an injury. I will also not regret being drunk. I may make bad decisions. But they will simply form another part of the tapestry of my life.

Forgiveness

Silence is also beckoning to me, but I'm kinda floating around in a vast sea at the moment. Perhaps this is a recollection of past discussions, where my mind has drifted while my body drifts. Or maybe not. Don't ask me, I'm just writing down what Mahray tells me!

He came to me again this night, Mahray. He looks tired. Even more tired than usual. If it wasn't for the 'bots I would suspect he is nearing an end. His soul feels... thin, worn, hard used. I am concerned for him, for I do not know if I can do as he has asked.

Yes, I'm back again. Sorry, thought you'd got rid of me, didn't you. Well, not quite. I've still got a need to talk, if you're willing to listen. Even if you're not willing, I'm going to talk anyway, sorry. Drink some of your whiskey as well. I appreciate your taste, surprises me a little. Shouldn't, I guess. Just goes to show, no matter how well you think you know... someone, something, there are always surprises.

I've been thinking again, walking. Walking and thinking. The walking seems to help a lot. Lets me put my thoughts in order. Problem is, then I'm left alone with my thoughts. It seems to me that spending time with myself, with my own thoughts, just leads to problems. Big problems for me. A lot of my thoughts are not always pleasant.

I did say I have no regrets, and that is true. That doesn't mean my mind doesn't dwell on matters. Mistakes I've made. Thoughts coming to haunt me over and over again. Reliving actions taken, others not taken. We all suffer from this affliction, regardless of choosing not to regret our actions.

Which brings me to you. For some reason, you seem to have... something. A quality rarely seen. I can tell you my problems, as I have been. I can ask you for forgiveness. I don't know if you can grant it or not, but... I cannot forgive myself.

It's strange, truly. You would think that forgiveness would be easy, with a philosophy of no regrets. It doesn't seem to be so. I wonder why? What advice would I offer someone else in my situation? It is a difficult question, not everyone has access to a being of power that might grant forgiveness.

Will you? Will you be the one to forgive me? It is not something I ask lightly. I know I cannot forgive myself. If you cannot forgive me, then I will bear my burden, not gladly, but at least knowing that it is my burden to bear. If you do forgive me, then somehow you have transcended my own pain and brought it into yourself.

So that brings me back to my question. What would I say to someone who did not have access. Who could not ask for forgiveness and expect an answer, whatever that answer may be. Who had to accept the pain and torment of dealing with their mistakes, or forgiving themselves. Why is it that I cannot forgive myself, yet will accept your decision?

I must put aside my own fear, misgivings. My own history, a chequered past littered with mistakes and scars. Speak as though I hold the wisdom, I am the one with the great knowledge.

What I would say is this.

Forgiveness is not forgetting. It is easy to mistake the two, but to forget is not to forgive, nor is to forgive to forget. Forgiveness instead is accepting that which has happened, and resolving to understand it. To understand that people's actions were not malicious. To understand that mistakes were made. To understand that while these actions, these mistakes may have affected many, they were not intended to do harm. That is the key to forgiveness.

As to why you, I, do not feel we can forgive ourselves. It is complex, but at the heart it is simple. To forgive ourselves is to accept that what happened was not special. We lose the pain, the scar on our soul, that badge of honour that says we did something. We changed the world. It may have been a bad change, but a change it was. To forgive ourselves means to change what happened into mere chance, mere misfortune. If it is no longer special, then how can we justify ourselves, our actions, our scars.

So I turn to you. Somehow, by asking another for forgiveness it becomes easier. For you to forgive, you must first understand. By understanding, you then make my pain special. You fill my need for recognition, however twisted or not that need may have become.

I ask you for forgiveness. You may choose to grant it or not, I will bear my burden either way.

Acceptance

Transcribed from internal logs. Mahray recorded as entering the dungeon, but no record exists of exit.

How do you forgive a god? Or if not a god, then a being with god-like power, maybe god-like knowledge. So call him a god then. (Yes, I speak of a him, for that is how I know him. If he is truly male I do not know, I can only speak to what I see.) How do you forgive a god then? Is it the same as forgiving anyone else?

In a sense, yes it is. In another way, it is far from forgiving anyone else, a task that would appear at first glance to be impossible. For to truly forgive, we have to understand. To understand, to comprehend his actions, that is the task that concerns me.

It would be simple to simply abandon the task. Avoid thought of forgiveness, move on and try to forget. But while I have the choice to abandon the challenge, leave him to his own devices, I cannot. Not because I fear for myself. But I fear for others. I fear for this world.

Consider, if you would. A being of vast power, vast knowledge, vast ability. A being that has created and destroyed wonders. The vast power of being able to influence events, lives. Change the course of many.

Now think about the decisions that he would have made. Not all of them would have been the 'right' decision. Many mistakes would have been made, for even the wisest amongst us cannot see all ends. And in this place, this time? Mistakes will have been made. Regrets building. One such as he will require forgiveness, and I do not see that he can forgive himself.

If he cannot forgive himself, then what would happen? Over vast time, the regrets would build. The mistakes would pile on mistakes, making every decision an agonising choice. Would not anyone, in that situation, begin to wonder. Begin to doubt. Begin to choose not to choose, not to decide. Or perhaps, to make the final decision, to end it all. Cease the pain and suffering of all.

I cannot guarantee that decision would be made. But the risk... the risk is too much to bear. Why me? I can see the question forming on your lips, allow me to answer it thusly. Who else if not me? Is there someone better suited to the task? Better qualified? More experienced? Almost certainly. But they are not here, now. It is here and now that concerns me. I know I am not to late, for I still exist, I still think, I still talk. Yet I fear that soon this will not be the case, if he cannot be forgiven. For it is past the time where he could easily forgive himself.

It comes down to understanding. Without understanding there can be no forgiveness. I do not speak of full understanding, for who can ever fully understand another? Yet even a partial understanding will allow for forgiveness. How to gain that understanding is key. It must be apparent that to simply approach him and ask would be futile. After all, even the best amongst us tend to refuse offered help, for any number of reasons. Pride. Suspicion.

How to approach him then. How to build the rapport needed for understanding. How then to begin to learn enough to grant at least part of the forgiveness required. It is no easy task. It will take time, when time is of the very essence. So a subtle approach is best. Build a rapport as quickly as possible. Share thoughts, feelings, but always the truth. Trust in the truth, for this is too an important task to rely on lies. Lies can be useful, but they require a framework and careful planning. In this case there is not the time.

Do you see the magnitude of the task? The careful balance between not enough time and too much time. I feel that I have reached that balance now. I have gained enough of an understanding, to be able to begin the process of forgiveness. Of accepting your mistakes, taking them into myself, understanding, and forgiving.

Will you accept forgiveness?